Narcissist
by Follow-The-Firefly
Summary: In which Germany hears Prussia having some strange conversations with himself in the bathroom. Rated T for Prussia's language. ONESHOT Implied PrussiaXHungary sorta PrussiaXPrussia


**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia. If I did, I wouldn't be in college, would I?**

**Zephyr here! This is my first Hetalia fanfic in a while. So this was originally intended to be a PrussiaXPrussia oneshot, but I'm not quite sure where it ended. Prussia kinda wrote himself. I think I did a fairly good job of keeping him in character, though. That being said, let the deadly tale begin!**

"Let's go, Gilbert! We're going to be late!"

"I'm going! Just shut up already!"

"I won't be yelling if you got ready when I told you to. And who said that you could wear that, anyway?"

"There's no law saying I can't wear whatever the fuck I want."

"Well, I'm saying that you need to put some clothes on. Get your ass in gear, Gilbert!"

"I'm going, I'm going!"

The bathroom door opened and Prussia stomped inside, slamming the door shut behind him. He wished that Germany would stop hounding him to do such trivial things. As if he really wanted to go to Japan's wedding, anyway.

"Dammit." Gilbert swore through gritted teeth. "Why can't I just watch TV all day?"

Scowling, Prussia grabbed the comb on the sink and started raking it through his hair. The crimson eyes were slits when he happened to glance at his reflection in the mirror.

Prussia's hand fell to his side as he stared at his reflection. How had he not noticed how awesome he looked that morning? Admittedly, he had almost literally rolled out of bed that morning and was barely awake when he was in the bathroom getting ready for the day.

Now that he looked a little more closely, Gilbert noticed how red his eyes were. They were a sort of strawberry colour, or possibly the colour of cherries.

"I guess that shows how hungry I am." Prussia said with a smile. "I'm comparing my eyes to fruits."

Prussia opened his mouth and flashed his reflection a smile, his eyes on his teeth. He'd never really noticed how straight and white his teeth were. Then again, how could they not be when he spent a minimum of ten minutes brushing them each morning and every night?

"Well, I _do_look rather awesome today, don't I?" Prussia laughed. "Then again, when do I _not_look awesome?"

Prussia took a step back so he could examine himself better. He was well aware of the muscles in his arms and was rather fond of his abs. He always wished that he was a bit taller, though. Then again, there really wasn't anything that he could do about that. He had tried wearing platform shoes, but was scolded by Germany, saying that he looked even more effeminate than he already was.

"It's not my fault that I'm shorter than Ludwig." Prussia scowled.

He decided that it would be best if he got dressed. Apparently Germany hadn't liked the fact that he was wearing only a pair of boxers printed with steins of beer and would not let Prussia wear such a thing to Japan's wedding. Ludwig always kept a pressed suit in the bathroom for situations like this. Germany was always ready for Gilbert's antics.

"He knows I hate wearing a tie." Prussia said with a sigh as he pulled on a pair of trousers.

As he pulled on his shirt, Prussia began to think about all the times that things like this had happened. There was the time where Gilbert had tried to go to a Summit meeting wearing only a pair of cargo pants. Germany had forced Prussia into a suit and tie, much to the annoyance of Prussia. Gilbert had to wonder why Germany still put up with him.

"I don't see why I had to go to that stupid meeting, anyway." Gilbert rolled his eyes as his fingers fumbled with the tie.

Once he was finished, Prussia stepped back to examine his appearance. While he loathed wearing his military uniform, he had to admit that he looked good in it. Dark blue really suited him as a colour and he looked rather professional with a tie.

"If only this cross wasn't so heavy." Prussia said as he poked the iron cross on his chest. "At least I look good in it. I can't stand it when I don't look awesome."

As the crimson eyes moved upward, Gilbert realized that he needed to do something with his hair. Somehow in the process of getting dressed, his hair had returned to its birds-nest appearance.

"Ah, Ludwig's going to kill me." Prussia said as he picked up the comb again.

Using his other hand, he opened the cabinet and grabbed a can of hair spray and a bottle of styling gel. Whenever they went out for a social function, Germany insisted that Prussia styled his hair properly. Gilbert didn't do much with it, but he at least used the hairspray so Germany couldn't accuse him of not listening.

"I wish this stuff didn't smell so bad." Gilbert said as he braced himself for the bad smell of the hairspray. "Oh, the things I go through."

Coughing from the permeating aroma, Prussia waved the can all around his head before he decided that enough was enough and put the lid on the can. He ran the comb through his hair, occasionally nicking himself on the ear.

Once he was finished, Prussia stepped back and observed his reflection in the mirror. He was always astonished at how much a good haircut could influence his looks. And now Ludwig wouldn't be able to yell at him about his unkempt appearance.

"Let's see what you have to say about _that_, Ludwig." Prussia said with a smirk.

As Prussia stared at his reflection, an idea crossed his mind. There would probably be girls at Japan's wedding. Perhaps even Hungary would be there.

"If she's there, I need to say something cool, right?" Prussia frowned.

Gilbert's mind ran over all of the pick-up lines he'd used on her in the past. It wouldn't do to use the same lines that had caused her to reject him. It would be best to come up with some new lines.

Prussia's eyes were narrowed in confusion as he attempted to think of something to say to Hungary. He'd hit on her so many times that she was practically immune to anything he had to say.

He figured that he should probably get some practice before he actually met Hungary. After all, he didn't want to look like a complete idiot around her. Well, more of an idiot than he already was, anyway.

"How's it going, Ellie? Ah, she probably wouldn't like being called that. Last time I did that, she punched me in the face." Prussia mused. "Let's start over. What's up, Hungary? Austria's not around, is he? I don't want to have to kick his ass today."

Prussia frowned. He really didn't think that Hungary would appreciate the fact that he was making fun of her friend. She was likely to hit him with her frying pan and Prussia had more than enough experience with her anger.

"You're wearing that dress today? It looks really good on you, Elizabeth." Prussia said, feeling like he was finally getting somewhere. "But I'm sure that you'd look even better without- oh, that's just great, Gilbert." Prussia smacked the palm of his hand to his forehead. "She's really going to go out with you if you try to get her into bed straight off."

Prussia took a deep breath and tried to focus. He hit on girls all the time, so why was it so hard to think of something to say to Hungary?

"I haven't seen you in a while." Prussia started to say. "Been too busy screwing Austria to- this is insane." He started banging his head against the mirror. "I might as well just fuck myself. I'm never going to get her to notice me, anyway."

After thinking for a few minutes, Prussia was at it again, rambling off pick-up lines that he knew wouldn't work.

"Yeah, I'm not desperate at all." Prussia rolled his eyes. "Hi, Hungary. I was wondering if you wanted to-oh, who am I kidding. That's not going to work."

Prussia stared at his reflection as he attempted to think of something else to say. Perhaps he was going about it the wrong way.

"I've got it!" Prussia exclaimed. "I've been imagining talking to Hungary when I should imagine me talking to myself!" He frowned and said, "That doesn't sound weird, does it?"

He nodded confidently and started again.

"So what's going on? I haven't seen you in a while. You look really good, too." Prussia began. "Would you be interested in going back to my place later tonight? I think that-"

"Gilbert, what the hell are you doing in there?"

Prussia froze, eyes wide. Had Germany overheard him? It certainly would sound strange to hear Prussia talking to himself, especially when it sounded like he was asking himself out on a date.

"What do you want, Ludwig?" Prussia demanded as he attempted to regain his composure.

"Are you asking yourself out on a date?" Germany's voice sounded confused through the bathroom door. "That's weird, you know?"

"I was practicing on how to ask out Hungary!" Prussia snapped. "Now go the fuck away!"

"We've got to go." Germany said. "Two minute warning, Gilbert."

"Whatever, Ludwig." Prussia said as he heard Germany walk away from the door.

Prussia sighed and put the hair products back in the cabinet. He'd talk to Hungary, just like he'd practiced. Until then, he'd have an interesting time trying to explain to Germany that he wasn't attempting to flirt with himself.

**I had such a fun time writing the last part. I had to watch the few episodes with Prussia in them while I was writing to make sure I was writing him correctly. I have two ideas for PrussiaXHungary stories, so look for them at some point. College is consuming my soul, but Thanksgiving is coming up, so I might have some writing time. Thanks for reading! Reviews equal love!**


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